I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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