dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
