I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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