so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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