apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
