I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
