how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
