my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
