Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Someone came in the potted fern
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
