I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
