i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
