spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
