Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
