it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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