Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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