If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize