Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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