We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
