K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
