I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
