WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
