that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
