Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
