You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
