i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You are a genius and a whore.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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