And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i love accidental penises.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
