You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
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i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The feeling are messing with the penis
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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