...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
