Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
