video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
