I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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