oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
