Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
