found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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