I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
