lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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