The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
