real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Randomize
