I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
