i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
