My liver just broke up with me...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
