i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We're too hungover to prance.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
