An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
