It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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