I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
