this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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