I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
