You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just found puke in my bra..
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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