I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
