I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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