Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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