I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
