His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
