those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
