First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
