My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
