Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
