...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
