News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
PANTIES FOUND
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