I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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