its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
