FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
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he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
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His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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