just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
