awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
