I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
