I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Randomize
