how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
