We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
