there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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