No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
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Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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