forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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