listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
